Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
