My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
