just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
