I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize