I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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