I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize