I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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