Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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