but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
