i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
