Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
even my farts smell like vagina
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
