So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
