if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
