Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
how drunk are you?
Several
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
