In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
