I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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