she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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