i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
