I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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