I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
