Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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