listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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