is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
