Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
