I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
