I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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