If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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