they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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