Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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