my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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