We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
