My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
