We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
