did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
