i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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