Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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