hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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