I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
