God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
40s are totally the cure
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
