I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
