glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
