she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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