I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
