I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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