sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
