i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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