i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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