Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
