Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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