I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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