shes about as inviting as chlamydia
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
