Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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