She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Found your dick twin last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
