I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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